Showing posts from December, 2008

disclosure in shidduchim

See R' Aviner on the subject -- this is in English -- at

Halachic Weddings -- this may surprise you

So does not a photographer and various guest milling about constitute public? Long ago I blogged as follows:
A Touchy SubjectThursday, October 26th, 2006Please pardon the pun above.Actually this post came about unintentionally.In the course of gathering info on what frum NY wedding costs, I got a number of interesting responses. One of them included the following:. Some rabbanim (a growing number) are recommending doing all but the touching pictures before the chuppah bec it’s getting rediculous, let alone the lack of kavod for your guests to make them wait for 2 hours while you take pictures. People have lives, especially community leaders who may not be staying for the entire wedding. Some rabbanim (much fewer) are allowing taking even touching pictures (so I’ve heard). I have my own strong view on the “touching pictures,” but I won’t bring them up here so that you can feel free to express your opinion on these opinions.
What I only hinted at was that I do not find such pictures…

A Tall Order

Apparently, now to be "good for shidduchim," a kallah maidel needs not only to reflect the "right" hashkafos through a certificate of a proper BY education for seminary as well as high school, as well, as working, ideally, in a chinuch, but she has to fit the physical ideal that includes a minimum height. Now I am certain that all the bochurim in Lakewood or their equivalent have not suddenly shot up above 6 feet tall, yet it seems that they (or those who speak for them) are demanding girls of 5'5". Hey, even I am just 5'41/2", yet I am quite average height and taller than a lot of my counterparts. So what gives with the height requirement? Remember, I am not talking about a girl saying she would like her prospective husband to be above 5 feet tall but of a boy who rules out a girl because she is too petite.

Good for Shidduchim: a modest proposal for a blog

Recently, I noticed that one of the blogs that are not anonymous switched from public to "open only to those invited." I just had the opportunity to ask that blogger why he closed off access. He responded that he did so at the insistence of his children "in the parsha." They -- at least the daughter -- maintain that his blog has a negative effect on their shidduch prospects. I was somewhat surprised because the blog is usually on Torah rather than controversial topics. But, I supose just about anything that does not strictly toe the party line may be construed as deviant, and, consequently, bad for shidduchim. There is a even a blog (completely unrelated to the blog I refer to), that offers commentary on the current shidduch scenario.

So I proposed that the blogger who is no longer public start a blog called "Good for Shidduchim" in which he can spout just right views on all the relevant issues for those inv…

a rabbinic view on the amen and challah gatherings

My husband subscribes to R' Aviner's email list. In the one copied below, he addresses the 4 questions you see listed. I only kept in the first two. Josh W. may wish to contrast his response on lifeguards with R' Falk's. I still have the Oz Vehadar book, in which he cites R' Moshe for the heter of a male lifeguard but misrepresents R' Moshe's argument in saying that it is ok to have a male lifeguard who is not a Jew. On the "Amen" gatherings, R' Aviner says it is not forbidden but rather new-fangled. Now, when something is suggested for women that people associate with feminism, the new-fangled quality is considered enough to categorically prohibit, say, a woman dancing with a sefer Torah on Simchas Torah or reciting Kaddish on the grounds of Poretz Geder. However, when the practice is adopted by women who dress the practice in the guise of feminine spirituality that is not to be associated with feminism, then they are usually considere…

book on halachos of marital relations

I accompanied my son and husband to the seforim store today. While they went in search of what my son wanted (some in stock, some had to be ordered), I browsed through some of the marriage books on the shelf. I would love some reader feedback on this.

In the book, Guidelines: Questions and Answers about the Laws of Family Purityby Elozor Barclay, Yitzchok Jaeger Targum Press, 2004, on p. 135 there is a text given for a "bracho" (though it lacks shem and malchus) for the groom to say upon his bride's confirmation of dam bethulim. It begins Baruch ata asher zag egoz began eden . . . and concludes habocher bezro shel Avraham.
I have never come across the concept of this text; it was, certainly, not mentioned by my kallah instructor or any of the books on the subject I've encountered up until this point. Yet, the book does not present it as a novel or merely suggested idea but as a given that this is what is done. Anyone else heard of this?

The second book of note is Ta…

The winter issue of Kallah Magazine is now online

I usually delay uploading the PDF a bit longer. But someone who lives outside distribution area asked for the issue to be made available online. So I put it up now I tested it a number of times with 2 browsers. Mozilla still shows an error at download though it does show the PDF. It works just fine on IE, though. It is also linked to from the home page but you can go directly to

rant on (kosher) supermarkets

We now have no fewer than 5 area kosher supermarkets in the 5 Towns and Far Rockaway. You would think that the competition will keep them all on their toes. Sadly, that is not quite the case. This week I shopped at 3 different ones -- and more than once at two of them. So here are my complaints. One is more minor but it took up quite a bit of time. I was looking for crockpot liners and couldn't find any. Logic would dictate they should be in aisle 9 of that store, but I remember from previous times that they were actually located one aisle over, so I scoured, 7,8,and 9 a few times, literally looking high and low. Finally, I gave up and went to check out. When I spotted one of the people who work there, I asked him about the liners. He said that they have not been able to obtain any more. OK.
Complaint number 2 --this store keeps changing its prices on milk, which is somewhat disconcerting because most groceries keep that pretty standard. So this week, they advertised El…

Kallah Magazine Winter Issue

The magazine was already distributed in the 5 Towns, Far Rockaway, Queens, Flatbush, and Borough Park. It should be in Baltimore and Teaneck by next week. Pick up your copy to read Rabbi Slatkin on rededicating your relationship, Rabbi Brown on Tu B'Shvat, Mimi Samuels on kallah classes, Nancy Zwiebach on "Signals for Singles" Ms. Maven's advice on the wedding venue, Levana's guidelines to preparing crockpot and soup dishes to warm you up, Debby Grossman on lipstick, and the Money Matters feature on the book Don't Throw it Out!

On the ruby segula

I have posted on the topic of sgulas in the past. I also once did a post on a proposed ruby gmach for women to borrow ruby jewelry either as a sgula to prevent miscarriage and/or have a easy birth. Gem quality rubies are rarer than diamonds, which is why any more affordable piece containing a ruby larger than a chip would likely incorporate a synthetic stone. In fact, you can find synthetic ruby pendants for under $30. I checked online. So I was wondering, can these gmachs purchase the affordable synthetic stones, or would only the natural gems be considered efficacious?

The RALBAG vs. Chazal on the Time Frame in Parshas Vayetze

According to Seder Olam, all the shvatim except Binaymin were born within 7 years, and all the pregnancies were curtailed to 7 months. The RALBAG is aware of this but finds difficulty with such a phenomenon and the fact that then Yehudah would perforce have had to become a father while still under 13 and married his sons to Tamar while they were younger than 13 -- soemthing he finds very difficult to accept. So he learns the pshat for the order of events quite differently than Rashi does. He says that Yaakov did not work 7 years then marry Leah and a week later marry Rachel. Rather that he contracted to work 7 years for Lavan, had the wedding right away, discovered the switch and then agreed to work an additional 7 years for a total of 14 after marrying Rachel a week after Leah. He argues that when Yaakov demands his wife (29:21) "ki maloo yamay," [for my days have filled] he is not saying that his days of work have been completed but that his lifetime has advanced, f…

A blog recovery!

When I switched from WordPress to Blogger, I thought my old posts were gone forever. But Josh Waxman has now directed to me to where they can be found. So I have put the link up on the sidebar. But if you wish to comment on an old post, you would have to do so either via email or in a comment here. Here is the link to the archive of the WordPress Kallah Magazine blog:*/