A higher degree leads to . . .

A higher degree does not necessarily translate into higher pay. I know this from personal experience. But others have observed this to be the case even across two levels of degree.

One of the comments that appeared on a Higher Ed Jobs post on Linked in was from Gwendolyn Henderson, Department Head (School District of Hillsborough County).

In researching positions I came across an academic advisor posting paying $30K (masters required....1-2 yrs. exp. in higher edu). That is $14.42 per hour...which is what my former "high school" students earn talking on the phone as customer service reps. for various companies with a "high school" diploma. One would conclude, working in acdemia requires six years more education to earn the income of a high school graduate capable of answering a phone call for someone making a inquiry about their cell phone bill. Sad...I know.

Yitzchak greets his bride

In Parshas Chayei Sarah, we see the the details of a wedding for the first time in Tanach. Obviously, there were couples married before Yitzchak and Rivka, but theirs is the first one to show the Erusin / Kiddushin and Nesuin. Eliezer serves as Yitzchak's agent in betrothing Rivka. While we give a ring, he bestows on her the nose ring, and two bracelets. (24:22) . When her parents and brother suggest a delay of the traditional year-long engagement, or at least 10 months, Eliezer insists he must proceed immediately. Rivka affirms her commitment in the single word, "elech" [I will go] (24:55-56,58).

When their caravan of camels approach the field where Yitzchak is, Rivka sees him and asks Eliezers "who is that man, there , who walks in the field toward us?" Eliezer replies that he is his master. Rivka then covers herself with her scarf" (24: 64-65) The last verse is the source for bridal veils. Rivka covered her face as she was approaching nesuin with Yitzchak.
This was her trip down the aisle, so to speak. Her groom then came out to greet her and escort her into the chuppah, which was an actual home.

The commentator, Hakethav Vehakabala explains that Yitzchak was, in fact, going out to greet his bride. He was sensitive to the fact that she was coming away from her family to become his wife and wanted to show her a warm welcome and honor.. That is why he left his usual dwelling place in the south to the area of Be'er Lechay Roee, and then walked out into the field toward the path that travellers would traverse on the way from Charan. That way he was sure to see his bride and be able to escort the rest of the way. Like the grooms who come out from the chuppah to escort their brides in, Yitzchak borought Rivka to the tent of Sarah his mother to make her his wife (24:67).

I've heard of renting flowers for weddings, but this . . .

I saw an online ad that offers rentals of silk flower arrangements for Shabbos. It reads as follows: "Pre-made Silk Flower Shabbos Bouquet for Rent or Sale. Why buy Flowers for $15-$50 that will die when you can rent them. . . . Rentals only $15 from Friday- Wednesday $1.50 for every additional day we have many to choose from so you can Pick up a new one every week."

I really don't this is as an economical choice. You can buy a pretty nice bouquet of fresh flowers for $15 or less, so if that is what you want to spend for flowers you will only keep from a Friday to Wednesday, then you may as well get fresh. In fact, I have bought flowers at Stop and Shop and Gourmet Glatt for just $3 to $4 a bunch. If I wanted something more extravagant, I could spend $6 to $7 on two for a fuller bouquet.

If I would be opting to save money by getting silk instead, it only makes sense to buy the flowers and keep them forever after rather than paying what they cost every single week. Silk flowers generally cost $1 to $2 a stem. What they're offering would only make sense as fund raiser for a tzedaka. Then you would be, essentially donating the $15 and getting the temporary flowers as a token of appreciation of sorts.

Labels, grr!

It's not enough to have labels based on affiliations, we have to have subcategory labels. And supposedly, all who fall into that subcategory label will act exactly the same. I just saw a topic title on a forum with a poll offering yes or no to the following: "Do most YU Machmir people only use checked Romaine Lettuce?"

Personally, I buy the standard Romaine lettuce and wash and check it myself. I usually only do this for Pesach. But for year round, I wash and the lettuce we use for salad. I also train my daughters to check the red and green leaf lettuce. I have found tiny bugs on occasion, so it is not an unnecessary precaution to check the leaves. I also explain to my daughters that certain vegetables are very difficult to check, which is one of the reasons I tend not to buy them.

But where I went to school or did not go to school really is irrelevant. What exactly are YU Machmir people supposed to be machmir on? Cholov Yisroel? Hilchos Shabbos? Taharas hamishpacha? Emunas chachamim? Or is it only matters of kashrus?

Hillel's approach for Chanukah and for couples

I was going to wait until closer to Chanukah to post this, but because a question came up in the guest post on http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/11/guest-post-on-gifts.html, I decided to share it early.

In Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide, (Moznaim Publishing, 1983 p. 32), Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan brings up the issue of squandering money on lavish weddings that should be put to better use in providing the couple with necessities. He recalls an illustration offered by his friend, Rabbi Shmuel Mendelson. Hillel and Shamai had different views about the order in which Chanukah candles should be lit. As we know, we follow the opinion of Beis Hillel, which is to begin with one and add on a candle each successive night. However, Beis Shamai’s view was that the candles should parallel the cows offered during Sukkos, which began with the full number but went down one each day.

Rabbi Mendelson observed that Beis Shamai’s approach is followed by those who believe they must start out married life with everything. They are the ones who would register for the expensive china and silver sets, buy full suites of Italian furniture, and set it all up in a home they cannot afford to keep up. “When they begin, they have everything.” But when reality sets in and their income cannot keep up with their expenses, “they find their lives diminishing.”

Then there are couples who see the wisdom of Beis Hillel’s approach in their own life. “They can start off with one candle – with very little.” These are the ones who make do with a modest apartment furnished with second-hand pieces and dishes that are priced by the set rather than the place setting. So they do not begin in a blaze of glory. “But for the rest of their life they are adding.”

Guest post on gifts

"Jed" asked me to post the following:"">Being aware that many choshuv rabbonim have established guidelines for keeping down wedding costs, I was slightly disturbed to come across this article detailing which gifts "must" be given between the chosson and kallah (or their families). What are the common traditions, and what is just "minhag hallmark" as far as gifts between the couple prior to the wedding? See http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/11/hillels-approach-for-chanukah-and-for.html

Deep sea diving

The Torah is referred to as water and even as the sea. When learning Torah, one plunges in to attempt to explore the depths. Like deep sea diver, they may succeed in pulling up some of the treasures that lay hidden or discover some as yet unclassified plant or animal. It would be ludicrous for anyone to claim that they know all there is to know about the sea on the basis of their own explorations. There is far more out there than any individual could cover in a lifetime.

Computers in the classroom

Would you think that is a good thing? Yesterday my daughter checked out a school that boasts about giving every single student her own laptop. My daughter noted that the laptops are, indeed, put to use during class. While some may actually take down notes on them, which is supposedly what they are intended for in noncomputer classes, others use it to surf the web, go on Facebook, check email, or send texts (though, admittedly they could do that anyway with just a phone). What was heralded as a tool for learning easily slips into a distraction for learning. I know that even college students would fall into distractions when they would bring laptops into class. The less mature high school students could hardly be expected to resist temptation, particularly in a school that takes a rather light approach to discipline.

You know that even when going to the moon, the scientists were still using the slide rule to make their calculations. It seems to me that the generation of long ago were not at all educationally disadvantaged by their lack of smart boards, advanced calculators, and access to the internet.

It may be a dream, but the city is awake

In Hebrew, the word ir usually means city. But in the book of Daniel 4:10 it appears as the word for something else. Nevuchadnetzar recalls his second dream in the book. Among the visions is what is caleld "ir vekadish min shemaya." The word "ir" here refers to an angel, as it also does in the plural for of irin kadishin. The Da'as Mikrah, drawing on a number of classical commentators, explains that the root here is made up of the letters ayin, vav, reysh -- meaning awake. I suppose angels don't sleep. But it struck me how the word for awake is conflated with the word for city -- indeed, the city never sleeps.

The chuppah and Sinai

I had an idea about flowers on the chuppah. See it at http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m11d11-Aspects-of-the-Jewish-wedding-standing-under-the-chuppah

The Kethuba

AKA the Ketuba, Kesuba, Kesubah . . .well, you get the point.
See
http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m11d10-Aspects-of-the-Jewish-wedding-the-Kethuba
My own spin is built on the fact that the kethusba begins with the letter beth, AKA bais, bet, well, you get the point.
This is extracted from the post above: >The kethuba begins with the day of the week on which the marriage takes place. It also begins with the letter beth . In Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide, (Moznaim Publishing, 1983) Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (p. 107) points out that the first letter of each kethuba is the same as the first letter of the Torah. Just as the Torah attest to the bond between G-d and His people, the kethubah documents the bond between husband and wife. I would add to that what our Sages say about the beginning of the Torah fits in well with that observation. The Torah begins with the same letter that begins the word bracha [blessing]. As the second letter of the alphabet, the letter beth also stands for two. It is necessary to expand beyond the singular in order to come to a state of blessing. (The Maharal explains that the association is not arbitrary but inherent in the meaning of blessing,) The concept is most apt for a marriage in which two people come together in an event of blessing, highlighted by the sheva brachos [seven blessings].

Still the same after all these years

I was reading through reviews of wedding photographers on a wedding site. Though the site is not oriented toward a Jewish audience, it does include some Jewish owned photography studios. One of them was the one that shot my wedding way over a decade ago. The reviewer was not happy with her experience. Among the unpleasant things she recounts is being ordered by the photographer into poses she was uncomfortable with. She had to say "no" 4 times before being heard. I remember having the exact same experience. I didn't like being told to hold the veil this way or that, etc. And for all their claim of knowing what the poses should be, the results were not at all impressive. The reviewer attributes the poor performance to the owner being present for too short a time. But if the photographers were truly professional, they would not need the owner there to perform properly. And while she offers the possibility that her experience was an aberration, I remember being quite displeased myself.

Why a ring for kiddushin?

There are quite a few reasons for the custom of using a ring. See http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m11d9-Aspects-of-the-Jewish-weddings-the-symbolism-of-the-ring#

Shadchanus and family

I know someone who was upset by the notification from a relative that she would consider setting up this person's daughter with someone so long as her terms were clear. They were as follows:

I charge $2000/side for people in chutz la'aretz (first-time marriages, 29 years or under, no special needs or conditions)In other words, she would expect $2000 (from each side) if the shidduch came off even though this seems to be about a re-introduction, not someone they had not known of before.

I told the person that it is sad that she makes it clear she would not pick up the phone if she is not assured she would be paid for the shidduch. But from her perspective, she is charging for her service. The fact that the service is for a relative -- as far as she sees it-- is no reason to give up her fee. I'm not saying I agree with her point of view, but I believe that she thinks she is entitled to make money on this deal as she would on any other.

From my perspective, it is cold and calculating, to not lift a finger to promote a shidduch without assurance of renumeration. There is a notion of chessed and altruism. If we only did things for money, there would be no volunteering -- no one packing the boxes for Tomchei Shabbos or delivering them. There would be no kallah teachers who forego the fee leshem mitzvah. I try to instill such values in my own children who get dragged over to pack the boxes and are told not to demand money when babysitting for cousins. They also see that I have committed to cover dispatch for Chaverim every week. So I do understand the business perspective, but one's view should not be that limited -- particularly when dealing with family that may have done and in future do favors for you.

40 days before

Chazal (Sotah 2a) say that 40 days before yetziras havlad [the formation of the embryo] a bas kol [heavenly voice] calls out, "Bas ploni leploni" [The daughter of this man is destined for this one]. So when does this happen exactly? Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan touches on this on p. 5 of in Made in Heaven (Mozanaim: 1983). The 40 days before would be at the time of conception. I was just wondering about implicatons. I have heard that one can try to pray for the baby's gender only earlier than the 40th day of gestation precisely because it is not yet delineated. However, the sex would have been determined at conception if the bas zug was declared then.

Chazal do say that Leah prayed that she would carry a girl so that her sister would get to have at least two sons. Consequently, the embryo that would have been a boy was switched to a girl -- Dina. And we know that Dina went through major travails as a girl. It seems getting what you wish for is fraught with peril. I do wonder of the consequences for the heavenly declarations.

BTW the declaration sounds like it is made for the baby boy -- for he is specified while his bas zug is assigned on the basis of parentage. If it were declared for the girls, as well, I would think it should say Plonis leploni or Plonis leben ploni to match. What's interesting is if the girl is identified soley by her parentage, it would not be clear which daughter in a family of many girls is the One designated. That would actually eliminate my question of Yaakov's bas zug -- Rachel or Leah? Both would have been covered under the description "bas Lavan."

What she said, in truth

See the Divrei Chaim's take on meshane mifnei hashalom in this week's Parsha at: http://divreichaim.blogspot.com/2009/11/truth-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-truth.html and http://divreichaim.blogspot.com/2009/11/truth-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-truth_06.html
When I reviewed the parsha on Shabbos, an understanding of what Sarah said struck me. Then I saw that Hakthav Vehakbala reads it the same way. "Acharey balothi, haytha li edna veadoni zaken" [After I have been worn out , i.e. aged, I had rejuvenation, but my master is old.] According to the Midrash, Sarah pirsa niddah that day, so she say a clear manifestation of her rejuvenation with a return to fertility. But she saw no such sign on her husband. She saw the miracle in her own transormation but was amazed that the same would not be done for her husband.

Breaking plates revisited

See Havolim's post with illustrations at http://havolim.blogspot.com/2009/11/breaking-plate-at-tnaim-little.html and my original post, which includes R' Reisman's suggested answer printed in Pathways to the Prophets in the comments at http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/10/mothers-active-role-in-jewish-weddings.html
Rabbi Reisman concedes that he could not find a source for the minhag of mothers, specifically, breaking the plate. He offers a possible explanation as follows: the tanaim undertake a financial obligation. As the fathers of the chasson and kallah each have a prior financial obligation to their wives' kesubos, the wives participation indicates their willingness to allow this new financial agreement.

Thoughts on the Jewish Wedding

The wedding ring does not have to be made of gold, but it should not be gold-plated. And the thrifty should appreciate that one of the reasons for combining the Erusin with Nesuin was to reduce expenses by having one celebratory feast instead of two. See
http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m10d29-Aspects-of-the-Jewish-wedding--the-betrothal-and-the-ring

It occurred to me that for those who find a double-ring ceremony to be the only one that appeals to their sense of equity, there already is one in place. Of course, the kinyan is accomplished by giving something to the kallah, which is traditionally a ring. Prior to that the kallah herself forms a ring (not a concrete one, obviously) for her husband by circling around him. Of course, this is a speculative interpretation, so I did not include it in the post. Those who consider the bride's circuits to be demeaning to women have not really looked into the meaning behind the custom. See http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m10d26-Aspects-of-the-Jewish-wedding-on-to-the-chuppah

Thoughts on titles

Though moderation is currently on, you can still comment. I have completed a very good part of the book based on the topics that have been covered in the Kallah Magazine issues. I have tentatively titled it The Kallah Magazine Wedding Handbook, but I am now considering Cutting the Fat from Your Big Jewish Wedding . The latter would sound trendier but would also hint at both trimming down to essentials and cost-cutting.

Kallah Magazine on Facebook

I set up a page under the Kallah Magazine name at http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Cedarhust/Kallah-Magazine/166926033774?ref=mf Fans are welcome!

My facebook page under my own name, which includes the Kallah Magazine updates, is still up.

"Jewish men make the best husbands" true or false?

There is, indeed a perception that Jewish men are good husband material. It certainly seems to be assumed by nonJewish women who actually seek out romantic attachment to Jewish men. What do they have to say for themselves?

In her autobiography, Crossing Ocean Parkway, Marianna De Marco Torgovnick, an Italian-American who became an English professor identifies her selecting a Jewish husband as one of the keys out of the locked environment she found in her own ethnic group. That is not to say that she married for money or even status, but for someone from a culture that would foster her academic aspirations. I am not sure if a WASP would have been perceived as beyond reach, while the Jewish man -- still rooted in an ethnic group -- was considered more attainable. But she clearly found a Jewish husband to be more compatible with where she wanted to go than a fellow Italian-American.

But, on the flip side, my husband recently declared that his coworkers put him to shame (just don't take that too literally). He said that, not only do they do house projects but they cook full dinners, as well. To my husband's credit, he does do the dishes and really coordinates the Pesach kitchen turnover. He also doesn't have to call in someone just to change a light bulb, put up the sukkah, or put in an air conditioner. But he questioned the husband rankings when he heard about the great accomplishments of his nonJewish colleagues.

Thoughts on the title of this post?