book on halachos of marital relations
I accompanied my son and husband to the seforim store today. While they went in search of what my son wanted (some in stock, some had to be ordered), I browsed through some of the marriage books on the shelf. I would love some reader feedback on this.
In the book, Guidelines: Questions and Answers about the Laws of Family Purity by Elozor Barclay, Yitzchok Jaeger Targum Press, 2004, on p. 135 there is a text given for a "bracho" (though it lacks shem and malchus) for the groom to say upon his bride's confirmation of dam bethulim. It begins Baruch ata asher zag egoz began eden . . . and concludes habocher bezro shel Avraham.
I have never come across the concept of this text; it was, certainly, not mentioned by my kallah instructor or any of the books on the subject I've encountered up until this point. Yet, the book does not present it as a novel or merely suggested idea but as a given that this is what is done. Anyone else heard of this?
The second book of note is Taharas Am Yisroel: A Guide to the Halachos of Jewish Marriage by Rabbi Shaul Wagschal. It was first published in 1979. The one in the store was the 4th edition from 2002 (Judaica Press). On pp. 122-123, the topic is 'The Designated Times for Oinoh." It contains the usual information about frequency with the warning that a man may sap his strength which is needed for kollel or work, so his wife should understand and not demand too much. But what really got me was point #7: "A kallo may not exactly know what oinoh means, [I am refraining from adding my comment in here] but she should accept that this is the way Hashem planned the complete union of husband and wife, though we do not understand why [bold in the source]. She should also know that this is the only way in which a woman can become pregnant."
[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Shall I infer that with test tube babies, oinah can be considered irrelevant? This is the argument of the Victorian age, that wives must endure so that they can experience the joys of motherhood.
Speaking of motherhood, there are a scant two pages that address the issue of "Torah Views on Family Planning" -- from midway down p. 124 to the very top of p. 126. Forget methods, the number and genders of children already born, etc., there is no need to discuss all that; the answer is simple -- no planning, period.
In the book, Guidelines: Questions and Answers about the Laws of Family Purity by Elozor Barclay, Yitzchok Jaeger Targum Press, 2004, on p. 135 there is a text given for a "bracho" (though it lacks shem and malchus) for the groom to say upon his bride's confirmation of dam bethulim. It begins Baruch ata asher zag egoz began eden . . . and concludes habocher bezro shel Avraham.
I have never come across the concept of this text; it was, certainly, not mentioned by my kallah instructor or any of the books on the subject I've encountered up until this point. Yet, the book does not present it as a novel or merely suggested idea but as a given that this is what is done. Anyone else heard of this?
The second book of note is Taharas Am Yisroel: A Guide to the Halachos of Jewish Marriage by Rabbi Shaul Wagschal. It was first published in 1979. The one in the store was the 4th edition from 2002 (Judaica Press). On pp. 122-123, the topic is 'The Designated Times for Oinoh." It contains the usual information about frequency with the warning that a man may sap his strength which is needed for kollel or work, so his wife should understand and not demand too much. But what really got me was point #7: "A kallo may not exactly know what oinoh means, [I am refraining from adding my comment in here] but she should accept that this is the way Hashem planned the complete union of husband and wife, though we do not understand why [bold in the source]. She should also know that this is the only way in which a woman can become pregnant."
[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Shall I infer that with test tube babies, oinah can be considered irrelevant? This is the argument of the Victorian age, that wives must endure so that they can experience the joys of motherhood.
Speaking of motherhood, there are a scant two pages that address the issue of "Torah Views on Family Planning" -- from midway down p. 124 to the very top of p. 126. Forget methods, the number and genders of children already born, etc., there is no need to discuss all that; the answer is simple -- no planning, period.
Comments
The Aruch HaShulchan has more information on the bracha, while also noting that nowadays the bracha is not said.
The rav is of an extremely Brisker background, for what it's worth.