Showing posts from August, 2010

Are you only virtually sorry?

It's so approprriate to find someone post about this during the month of Ellu when I was thinking about apologies and forgiveness. There is no indication of a Jewish connection.
I wonder if anyone has actually asked a halachic question about these new methods of seeking forgiveness.  Does texting, emailing, and posting on a site each count as one of the three apology approaches one is supposed to make in order to really obtain forgiveness from someone one has hurt?

Visit my site -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at

Take a guess

What touts itself as "a quick fix for unannounced guest, in-laws and odd neighbors?"

Visit my site -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at

Tall, dark, and frugal

Does frugality count as one of a person's attractions?According to the New York Times article, "How to Be Frugal and Still Be Asked on Dates"it is not generally considered so.  That finding is based on the Ing survey it quotes at the beginning:  In June, the company asked 1,000 people which words would come to mind if someone was fixing them up on a blind date with someone described as frugal. Just 3.7 percent answered “sexy,” while 15 percent picked “boring” and 27 percent chose “stingy.” Just 3.7% considered frugality as a quality to be desired in a prospective mate.  But far more found it uninteresting, and even more considered it the antithesis of the virtue of generosity.

“Frugality may or may not have anything to do with how much he loves you,” said BJ Gallagher, 61, an experienced online dater and author of several self-help books for women. “'But for a lot of women, love looks like ‘"Take care of me and give me things.’ ”
Interesting to contrast this wit…

Thoughts on a bumper sticker

This morning I saw a bumper sticker that said, "If it isn't fun, why do it?"  It seemed to be promoting Ben & Jerry's ice cream with the notion that you can decide to only do what you find fun.  Just stop to think for a moment what would happen if people truly adopted this as their guiding principle in life.  It isn't fun to change your baby's diapers.  It isn't fun to bring your baby in for shots. Toilet training, certainly, isn't fun, and neither is doing the laundry it often generates.  Homeowrk is neither fun for kids nor for the parents who usually have to walk them through it. Paying bills is not most people's definition of fun.  Filling out tax forms is far from fun.  The list goes on and on.  Much of what we have to do in life is not fun.  We do it because life is not just about having fun; it is about living up to your responsibilities as an adult, spouse, parent, and citizen.

Visit my site -- not just for kalla…

Let's get the facts straight on what the GRA did and didn't say about tznius

See the post and comment at 

Here is what it does say, as the blogger found:
The people who do make this equation (again, google) seem to derive it from the last paragraph of the Iggeres, where the GR"A writes to his mother:
אהובתי אמי, ידעתי שאינך צריכה למוסר שלי כי ידעתי כי צנועה את
They infer from here that if you have tzniyus you don't need the rest of the Iggeres, meaning the exhortations to talmud torah, yiras shamayim, learning mussar, etc. If you have tzniyus you have it all already.

B'mechilas kvodam of those who read the Iggeres this way, I don't think it makes any sense. What the Iggeres means is that tzniyus, here referring to modesty as a character trait (I don't even see how you can have a hava amina that the GR"A was talking about his mother's skirt length), is indicative of already possessing other fine character traits, hence additional musar is …

Stacking the deck for shidduchim

The internet can certainly be a bad thing for the Jews.  I am not thinking about anti-Semitic sites, Messianic sites, the bloggers who get a bad rap, or even the loads of tiflus that abounds on social sites.  I am thinking about how it gave rise to shidduch resumes and specious research.

I picked up the latest copy of the magazine referenced in  It includes an article entitled "Present an Effective Shidduch Resume and Reference List" by Judy Akoros.  Judy, who boasts of  her accomplishments in redting and making shidduchim, also boasts of having graduated from Columbia and being a principal at an unnamed girls' high school in her bio.  So there are the credentials that set out to put her in the best possible lights, much as she advises for those who compose their shidduch resumes.

She starts her article by saying, "I have just finished reviewing resumes for an available position at …

Orthonomics: Guest Post: Debt is Harmful to All Those Around Them

Orthonomics: Guest Post: Debt is Harmful to All Those Around Them

of related interest:  the Spender of Saver quiz at

Visit my site -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at

The tznius legacy: not fit for translation?

In the archive, I also found this post:
The Legacy of Maran Rav Aharon Kotler by Rabbi Yitzchok Dershowitz (Feldheim 2005) includes an appendix, which features, among other letters, a fascimile of the response by Rav Shneur Kotler and Rav Nosson Wachtfogel issued during aseret yemey tshuva of 5742 written in Hebrew. What I find interesting is that the letter also appears in English translation on the facing page, but the 8 point of hilchos tznius (like covering elbows, collarbone, etc.) are deliberately omitted from the English verison. The author even puts in a footnote: “The Tznius details were deleted from the English verion of this Tshuva. Please refer to the Hebrew.” So why were these 8 sentences not translated, as well? It certainly is not due to lack of space. I wonder if it is left out because it includes a requirement to wear stockings that are recognizable as such, which would make sheer stockings prohibited. Many women who would never dream of walking out in uncovered legs,…

It's hot; we're not

Though I don't like to repeat myself, this piece was posted back in April 2007, which means it is in the archive of my Wordpress blog and not easily found. And it certainly is hot out!
Top 10 reasons for keeping tznius even in warm weatherYou expose far less skin to harmful UV rays.
Head coverings keep the sun from beating down on your head and remove the worry for bad hair days (N/A for those who only wear sheitels)
You don’t need a full toning and waxing prep to go to the beach because you are fully clothed.
You don’t have to worry if tank tops are appropriate where you’re going—they simply never are appropriate.
You get buzzed on sight into Boro Park stores.
Your sleeve choice is limited to 3/4 or long—for faster wardrobe decisions.
Your girls are much more easily spotted in public playgrounds in long skirts and sleeves than the girls dressed in shorts and T-shirts.
And if you visit some other places, you may get complimented by some religious Christians on keeping your daughter…

Tradition versus traditionalesque

Tradition versus traditionalesque

Visit my site -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at

A Look at L'Engle

After my daughter took some Madeline L'Engle books out of the library, I started (re)reading them. I do recall reading some of them before, but not all.   Some I've never read before, like Meet the Austins.  This book is less thrilling than the more famous A Wrinkle in Time.  It does not include supernatural adventures in which children save the universe.  It is more of a view into family life for a parallel family to the O'Keefes who do cross paths in some ways in later books in the chronicle. 

What I found striking about the Austins is that they are presented as the ideal family with loving, supportive, and insightful parents who gather everyone around to hear the mother read out loud every night. Nevertheless, spanking is taken for granted as an appropriate punishment for children of 10 and 11.  This book dates back to 1960 when, I suppose, it was not considered socially unacceptable.  The parent do much that is good and instill excellent values in their children, inclu…

Another frugal date idea

I really like this area of the city; it's right across from where the Graduate Center was located at the time I was enrolled and attended classes on the 40th floor of the Grace Building.  Of course, the park is much improved since then with a great number of activities available free.  The lounge is also free -- no overpriced drinks required to keep your seat on a swing, rocker, Adirondack chair, or bar stool.

Visit my site -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at