I wonder how this will jive with the shiur mentioned above
A Blob of Something Different: Top Ten Reasons To Say No To A Second Date
If anyone goes can they ask the rabbi (see http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/12/on-shidduchim.html) what his view is of telling the shadchan (who may be any person that sets the singles up and does not have to be card-carrying guild member) why one does not wish to pursue the relationship further. Many offer the "just not for me" line. This was endorsed by one of the commentators on http://badforshidduchim.wordpress.com/2009/12/29/top-ten-tuesday/ as a virtuous response, for it avoids lashon hara by refusing to report anything negative about the date. But I would fear it can backfire. After hearing this a couple of times, I would guess the shadchan would simply label the boy or girl who says it as "too picky" or not clear on what s/he wants. It also indicates a type of defensive attitude. The single may be thinking, "If I don't cite a specific reason, the shadchan can't attempt to talk me out of it." Now while there are manipulative people out there who do blatantly misrepresent prospective dates to get people to agree to go out, sometimes they either just made a mistake or the date somehow conveyed a misimpression. In conclusion, I don't really like the cop-out "not for me" excuse.
If anyone goes can they ask the rabbi (see http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/12/on-shidduchim.html) what his view is of telling the shadchan (who may be any person that sets the singles up and does not have to be card-carrying guild member) why one does not wish to pursue the relationship further. Many offer the "just not for me" line. This was endorsed by one of the commentators on http://badforshidduchim.wordpress.com/2009/12/29/top-ten-tuesday/ as a virtuous response, for it avoids lashon hara by refusing to report anything negative about the date. But I would fear it can backfire. After hearing this a couple of times, I would guess the shadchan would simply label the boy or girl who says it as "too picky" or not clear on what s/he wants. It also indicates a type of defensive attitude. The single may be thinking, "If I don't cite a specific reason, the shadchan can't attempt to talk me out of it." Now while there are manipulative people out there who do blatantly misrepresent prospective dates to get people to agree to go out, sometimes they either just made a mistake or the date somehow conveyed a misimpression. In conclusion, I don't really like the cop-out "not for me" excuse.
Comments