Shidduch resume poll
This poll is posted on http://imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1231890&sid=743d7b7e810fe05f68b49c9755d5246d
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| Total Votes : 36 Though I don't have the poll set in a functional mode here, you can comment with your vote. http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/09/shidduch-resumes-additional-comments.html Related posts at http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2009/09/responses-to-my-shidduch-resume-post-at.html | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Comments
In my circles, resumes are necessary for 2 main reasons: They pass along critical information (references, schools attended, short bio) that would otherwise be given over in often incomplete detail in lengthly telephone conversations; and it promotes the "ad-hoc" shadchan. If someone dates a girl, and he thinks she would be a better match for a friend, the resume allows him to easily pass on the information in a convenient manner. It is unfortunate that some friends have been able to get dates easily while others have not, and one friend even had to date 15 girls over nearly 3 years before getting engaged, boruch hashem. As stressful as dating is to the girls, it is just as stressful for the boys who usually pay for everything, and usually have a more difficult time expressing our feelings on the matter. Yes, a resume can be used as a screening tool, but at the same time it can be used to gain valuable information on the girl, while splitting the research between the parents and the daters. Case in point: one girl i went out with had the wife of one of my references listed as a reference for her. Anothers teacher was the wife of one of my rabbeim. This certainly makes research easier, as it allows one to ask more personal questions, and obtaining a better handle on how shayach the shidduch is in the first place.
So lets keep the resumes, but leave it to a brief bio with a list of references. And lets leave out the photos, please.
-"Jed"
I think a resume is for a job application - NOT for shidduchim. It offends me that people expect these things to be sent out, and then include their "references." When I was a young woman, people set us up because they knew a nice guy or girl. Nobody asked for the other person's info in such detail as to constitute it being a "resume." Lists of information mean nothing. People's character and personality are not visible on a resume. I would never ask for one from someone who is redding a shidduch wioth someone whom they believe to be a good fit with my children. I want to know the person's name, what he or she plans to do to earn a living, and if they are menschen. I do not need to know what pre-school they attended and if their siblings' spouses are working at prestigious jobs. You would be appalled to know what I have been asked.
I even recently told a woman who wants to set my son up that sending me the girl's resume (her word) was not necessary, she could just tell me a bit about her and I trusted her opinion. Her response was that although she appreciated my confidence in her opinion, this is how it's done. I think it's time to change the methodology. More kids are sitting on the shelf with the "new way of how it's done" than ever before.
Sending pictures beforehand only makes sense when one of the parties must travel a great distance to meet the other.