Thoughts on Tu B'Av
http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2008/08/there-are-more-lines-ascribed-to-girls.html
http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2008/08/15th-of-av-take-3-allegory-significance.html
and http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2008/08/15th-of-ave-take-4-differing-accounts.html
So there's the textual analysis.
This year I've been thinking about further ramification for the Talmud's account in Taanis 31a
The daughter of Israel go out and dance in the vineyards. Anyone who lacked a wife went there. . . . Our rabbis learned: The beautiful ones among them would say: "Raise your eyes to beauty, for a wife is only for beauty." The girls who had yichus [well established, reputable families] would say, "Raise your eyes to family, for a wife is only for children." The ugly ones among them would say, "Take what you take for the sake of Heaven, and adorn us in gold jewelry."
The most amazing is that the girls who have the least to offer -- the ones termed outright ugly in the description -- declare that they too have a right to marry. Furthermore, they place the onus of attractions on their husbands-to-be with the assurance that the right jewelery and clothes (as Rashi, I believe, says) would work wonders on their looks.
After seeing some discussions by singles, I have a new angle on what this means. So many people are quick to dump someone after a first date because they were less than impressed by the first impression. What the ugly girls' s argument really consists of is something like this: "So we are not striking beauties but we can grow attractive to you if you invest in the relationship." This truth can apply to traits beyond looks; just substitute whatever striking trait you identify as attractive, ie. sparkling wit, charm, etc. Some people grow on you, but they have to be given the chance, and that takes a willingness to invest the time to allow their positive traits to shine through. And they would prove worthy of the adornments given them.
Comments
as i've commented elsewhere, i find this to be the biggest fault of the shidduch system, which by definition has to be heavily biased toward physical qualities above all others.
for better or worse, first impressions are very important, and with shidduchim the first impression will generally be based on looks. on the hand, when people have the opportunity to meet "naturally," the non-physical positive traits have the opportunity to shine through.