How long should the shadchan be involved?
For the first and second date? How about the third, the fourth, . . . the seventh? See the post by
Wolfish Musings: Perhaps We Some Should Return To Fully Arranged Marriages?
and on Serandez at http://serandez.blogspot.com/2009/06/shidduch-quotes.html
As I said in my comment: It seems that the parents are the ones who want the alliance to go through even though the young people do not. Odd as this approach sounds, I once heard a well-known rabbi suggesting something like what this mother is doing. (I blogged about it at the time) Don't misunderstand me: I find it wrong. But they really believe that young people should be pushed along. He said it facetiously but suggested saying first, "just go out." Then "just go out again," Then "Go ahead and get engaged." They seem to believe that if the older people looked into the backgrounds, etc., and believe the couple should prove compatible, it can be made to work. The fact that the young people are not yet mature, they feel, works in their favor in adapting to the match. See http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2008/08/character-of-ones-spouse-should-come.html
Again, this is not my philosophy, but they really believe that it is best to marry people off on the younger side and that there will be fewer issues. They also seem to think young people will be able to "fall for" the person directed at them.
Wolfish Musings: Perhaps We Some Should Return To Fully Arranged Marriages?
and on Serandez at http://serandez.blogspot.com/2009/06/shidduch-quotes.html
As I said in my comment: It seems that the parents are the ones who want the alliance to go through even though the young people do not. Odd as this approach sounds, I once heard a well-known rabbi suggesting something like what this mother is doing. (I blogged about it at the time) Don't misunderstand me: I find it wrong. But they really believe that young people should be pushed along. He said it facetiously but suggested saying first, "just go out." Then "just go out again," Then "Go ahead and get engaged." They seem to believe that if the older people looked into the backgrounds, etc., and believe the couple should prove compatible, it can be made to work. The fact that the young people are not yet mature, they feel, works in their favor in adapting to the match. See http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2008/08/character-of-ones-spouse-should-come.html
Again, this is not my philosophy, but they really believe that it is best to marry people off on the younger side and that there will be fewer issues. They also seem to think young people will be able to "fall for" the person directed at them.
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