The child you love

form http://divreichaim.blogspot.com/2020/09/bincha-yechidcha-asher-ahavta.html

Kach na es bincha es yichidcha asher ahavta...

Rashi comments that when Hashem said "bincha," Avraham said, "What do you mean? -- I have two sons."

"Es yichidcha" -- "What do you mean? -- each one is a yachid in his own right?"

"Asher ahavta" -- "What do you mean? -- I love them both equally."

Yet when Avraham travels to Har haMoriah, he tells Yishmael and Eliezer, "shvu lachem poh im ha'chamor," stay with the donkey while I go up the mountain with Yitzchak.  Chazal comment that Avraham was telling Yishmael that he was spiritually like a donkey and had no place coming up to Har haMoriah with him.

How is it that Avraham recognized Yishmael as spiritually bankrupt, but at the same time when Hashem appears to talk about Avraham's unique, special, beloved son, Avraham does not even realize that he means Yitzchak until Hashem spells it out?

The Tiferes Shlomo answers that although Avraham did not at first distinguish between his sons, once Hashem told him that he has to pass the test of akeidas Yitzchak, Avraham deliberately accentuated the greatness of Yitchak and the shortcomings of Yishmael so as to make the test that much greater a challenge and that much greater a sacrifice for G-d's sake.

My wife suggested that there is no contradiction.  Avraham recognized Yishmael's spiritual failures, but nonetheless, Yishmael was still in his eyes "...bincha, yechidcha, asher ahavta."  One can recognize a child's failures and shortcomings and love them fully anyway.

I'd add the point that this is a distinction between Avraham and Yitzchak. When Yitzchak loved Esav, he did so with blindness to his faults. The Torah makes a point of saying his vision had dimmed. But we know Avraham loved Yishmael, as we indicated by his reponse to a divine promise for progeny that will carry out his legacy: "Lu Yishhmael yichye lefanecha!" He knew that Yishmael didn't have that chiyus -- the spiritual spark -- on his own and said he'd be content to have that son whom he did love be given that potential. 

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