Like a nega: the cause & cure of social distancing

This past Shabbos we would have hear the leyning for the double parsha Tazria-Metzorah if there were any minyan around that was doing it. Perhaps in Israel there was, as they have officially sanctioned outdoor minyanim with a distance of 6 feet  maintained between the attendees. Apparently, they have greater trust in people than the American rabbis do, who insist that people cannot be relied on to maintain that distance.

But anyway to get back to the parsha that still has much to teach us even if we don't get to hear it recited in a public forum, as you may guess from the title, the starting point is this verse: 14:35

וּבָא֙ אֲשֶׁר־ל֣וֹ הַבַּ֔יִת וְהִגִּ֥יד לַכֹּהֵ֖ן לֵאמֹ֑ר כְּנֶ֕גַע נִרְאָ֥ה לִ֖י בַּבָּֽיִת:

and the one to whom the house belongs comes and tells the kohen, saying, "Something like a lesion has appeared to me in the house.

As Rashi explains,even if the person is a great Torah sage who is confident in his knowledge, he must not declare that it is the nega but only say that he sees what appears to be a nega.


So what's going on here? Why not just call a spade a spade? I'd suggest that the person's calling a spade a spade is what got him into trouble in the first place. Tzaras is a punishment for rechilus,  lashon hara, & motzi shem ra .

In order of severity, those refer to just gossip that isn't necessarily bad, damaging information that is true, and defamation of character for things that aren't true. Such actions, Chazal tell us, cause rifts between people and even between husbands and wives, so the punishment of Tzaras forces the person to separate himself from all others. 

Mending his ways begins right with the call to the Cohen, which forces him to overcome his tendency to assert things confidently as he sees them and adopt the more humble, "It looks like this to me" when asking for the diagnosis from the person authorized to make it.

On the same point from  http://divreichaim.blogspot.com/2020/04/notes-from-underground-erev-shabbos_23.html

  The masorah brings that there is one other pasuk in Tanach that uses that expression "nirah li" -- "mei'rachok Hashem nirah li Hashem."  The Ba'al haTurim (see also Agra d'Kallah) connects the two: when you see something from a distance, it is unclear, you can't be certain what it is.  So too, when you come with your nega, don't judge things in advance and don't be certain things are as they appear to you.  Just show it to the kohen and let him pasken.

Chazal (see Kli Yakar who quotes this Yalkut) interpret this parsha homiletically as referring to the churban of Beis haMikdash.  Hashem comes to the kohen, to Yirmiyahu haNavi, and says that his house is filled with negaim, with the avodah zarah that the people have put in to defile it. 

The sefer She'eiris Menachim (two doses of it this week) puts these two Chazals together.  Hashem certainly knows what's going on in the Beis haMikdash, Hashem sees how things have been defiled.  But when speaking about Eretz Yisrael, when speaking about the Beis haMikdash, when speaking about Klal Yisrael, even Hashem does not say "nega" -- it's just "k'nega," with the kaf ha'dimyon.  Hashem does not want to be the one to say affirmatively, with complete certainty, that the makom Mikdash, that Eretz Yisrael, that Klal Yisrael is bad.

Mah hu -- af atah.  The lesson is obvious.

How to remember

Now how does this apply to us today when we don't have the level of Hashgacha Pratis required for immediate punishment for our sins of speech? Obviously, we have to still be mindful of the prohibition, and that is why the verse referring to the sin of Miriam Devarim 24:9) is included among the 6 daily reminders: Remember what Hashem your G-d did to Miriam on the way when you went out of Egypt. 

Why this reminder? It seems so disrespectful toward a great tzadekes who was one of the most distinguished female prophets in the Torah! She should be remembered forever as a sinner who got Tzaraas! 

Yes, Miriam is the one we have to remember because she exemplifies the temptation to sink into what Hashem regards as a terrible sin with the claim: "I mean it for good, so it's not only  allowed, but a mitzvah to speak about the wrong thing that other people are doing!" 

If you look at what Miriam said in Bamidbar 24:1-2, you'll see that what she said hardly seems bad at all. Certainly, she wasn't trying to blacken her brother's name and only spoke with their other brother who was known for fixing marital problems [see kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2008/06/miriam-and-aharon.html] so she was could have been justified in thinking this was l'toeles -- for a good cause. 

In fact, as Miriam was the one who was critical of her father's separation from his wife, saying his gzeira was worse than Paroh's because he was preventing the birth of all children -- girls and boys -- while the Egyptian decree only applied to boys,it makes sense that she would be consistent in questioning her brother's separation from his wife.

Nevertheless, Hashem considered this wrong and came down hard on her for her presumption that Moshe can be judged on the basis of her own experience when his was completely different from that of any other prophet. Fascinating that this is immediately followed by the verse on Moshe's humility: 

וְהָאִ֥ישׁ משֶׁ֖ה עָנָ֣יו מְאֹ֑ד מִכֹּל֙ הָאָדָ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֖ר עַל־פְּנֵ֥י הָֽאֲדָמָֽה:

The man Moshe was exceedingly humble, more so than any other human being on the face of the earth.

Of course, it's an explanation of why Moshe would not have shown off how different he was in his level of prophecy, which is why that fact eluded his sister. In addition, though, it points to the fact  that humility is the antithesis of lashon hara. 

What's happening now

Now I've grown exceedingly disturbed by the eruption of lashon hara by those who use the current pandemic as justification. It's very wrong on all levels. Some have even sunk to the level of sharing nasty posts from anti-Semites claiming that the Jews are flaunting social distancing laws. They then say it's not anti-Semitic because it's true without even bothering to think for one second that if the police really were present at the outdoor wedding, likely they were assuring that the requirements were met and not just protecting "rich Jews" because they're rich. 

In fact, there have been Jews in contact with authorities about how to safely go forward with outdoor weddings, as reported about NJ, so I'm sure the same can be said for NY. That a Jew should post that a nasty take from someone who openly admits from the outset that he's upset that he's losing his income as an event photographer and so has his own ax to grind any place she could on social media  is not just irresponsible but dangerous -- more irresponsible and dangerous than the actions they are being critical of! 

This probably already comes into motzi shem ra, as she's relying on the negative spin of someone who is not objective and can't have seen for herself exactly how things were conducted and can't know with whom they discussed it and what directions they gave to the wedding party. It's mixing into to someone else's business with no possible upside. 

So why do people do this? The answer can be seen in the cure. They feel superior to others when they put them down. They can't admit that to be the case, so they have to pretend they're doing it out of good citizenship, and so we have what has become known as the Karen phenomenon.

 I've even seen Karens on social media declare an intent to report all they see walking on Central Avenue without a mask (to 311 yet which doesn't even apply to Nassau County). That means they want to report people for not doing any more than is required by law. As of only last week, masks are  required upon entry to stores but not outside of them. If the Karen thinks it's enough of a crowd on the street to warrant masks, no one is stopping her from crossing the street away from the gathering of people or avoiding Central Avenue altogether. If she's just shopping for food, she doesn't have to be on Central at all, as the entrance to those stores is not from there at present. If she's looking into any other business, she's not limiting herself to what is truly essential and so is being more than a tad hypocritica..  

Mussar from the NY Times 

I'm not a fan of the paper b/c of its blatant anti-Israel bias, so do not take this as endorsement of it in any way, shape, or form. But you can even learn mussar from an ant, so you can certainly take a lesson from this:  The Seductive Appeal of Pandemic Shaming. The words that follow the title are a perfect illustration of Al tadin es chavercha ad shetagiy lemekomo.:

I can’t control who gets sick or when we might return to something that looks like normal. But judging a random guy on the sidewalk? That I can do.

She gets into more detail:

I understand (thanks, therapy!) that anger is a manifestation of fear, a way of exerting a tiny measure of control. I have no power over the pandemic. I can’t control who gets sick and if my hospital is ready and when we might return to something that looks like normal. But yelling at a guy on the sidewalk, or posting his picture on Nextdoor.com with the caption “So gross!” or “Can you believe this!?” — that I can do.

I’m not alone in my fury, or my impulses. My Nextdoor.com is writhing with finger-pointing; my Facebook groups are roiling with gotchas. I saw a supermarket cashier without a mask! I saw a man use an A.T.M. pad with his bare hands! My idiot cousin is posting conspiracy theories! My mom went and got a pedicure!

Not everyone’s stopping at social media. From Florida to Washington, from Connecticut to California, people are calling the cops to report quarantine violations they saw, either in real life or online. (The police in Australia fined a couple for posting shots that showed them violating the quarantine, only to learn that the pictures were taken months before the virus.) 

This is the  Times, after all, so it has to be shifted to a racial concern:

Damon Young, author of “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker,” says he’s seen “plenty of Karen-ing” since the virus hit the United States. And he gets it, he said: “Everyone is scared. Everyone is anxious. People are allowing fear to impact their decisions.”

But posting pictures of non-compliers on social media, or calling them out to their faces, is unlikely to help. It might even make things worse. And it comes with risks to groups who are already suffering more than most from the virus and its effects.

“When there’s a mandate to snitch or to shame, that’s going to disproportionately affect black people,” Mr. Young said. “When you call the police on a group of black people, you are threatening their lives.”

Now substitute Jew for black, you'll see how very obviously damaging it is to be a Karen now. And here's the kicker:

“I understand the compulsion” to call people out, he said. “But is it really helping? If what you’re doing is supposed to be about saving lives, is this actually doing it?”

The answer to that is offered in a quote from Syon Bhanot, a behavioral economist who teaches at Swarthmore:

When you point out misbehavior online, he said, “you’re not confronting it — you’re virtue-signaling.” And confronting wrongdoers in person “is not going to be motivationally effective,” he added. “Shaming creates defensiveness. It doesn’t persuade, it entrenches.”

In other words, an't no toeles in this other than giving an outlet to your attempt to take control over a situation that is not truly in your or any other human control. In fact, the worst thing to do during a magefa is to exacerbate the sin of sinas chinam, the flames of which are fanned by evil speech, or posts, as the case may be. 

The article does go on to suggest what kind of action can be productive. Read on there if you like. And remember, do not impose your own personal gzeiros on others, holding them to standards that are not even mandated by law.