Gifts of love

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This is really more on the theme of Tu B'Av and Yom Kippur than Chanukah. It came to mind to me today when the tradition of giving gifts of jewelry on holidays (really for the 3 regalim rather than our present holiday) was mentioned.  It reminded me of the gifts of gold that the unattractive girls demand of the men they say to marry them leshem shamayim. See http://kallahmagazine.blogspot.com/2015/07/this-years-thoughts-on-tu-bav.html and the links within for an in-depth analysis of the various versions of the dance in the vineyards that led to marriages.

This also is likely on my mind because I have devoted some 15 hours a week to making shidduchim over the past half year or so, which makes it abundantly clear that looks  are the defining factor for 90% of the men I've dealt with directly. Sometimes they'll call it something else -- most often  slimness -- but it all boils down to what they consider physically attractive as  at least 75% of the equation in determining whether or not to agree to go out. All considerations of religious level, personality, family, etc. count for only 25% -- at best

The epiphany I had about the contrast between the third group demanding ahavas chinam  topped by gifts to make them beautiful and the unfortunate reality I see among singles today is the notion that this is all a reflection of our relationship as a people with Hashem. After all, that is the idea behind the holidays, not just a celebration of marriage but of the closeness we achieve with Hashem.

The idea that Hashem can take us on as beloved bride despite our less than prepossessing appearance  was originally set for us at Yetzias Mitzrayim. At the time,we were arom -- unclothed because we lacked any merits. But Hashem saw our potential and granted us mitzvos with which to cover ourselves and acquire further spiritual adornments. This was the prime example of a gift of love, establishing a relationship with the people who would blossom once they had the Torah.

So what about now? Do we really think that we will merit our geula through perfect beauty untainted by any blemish in our practice or behavior? That seems unlikely. I think that is why we constantly implore Hashem to make the first move -- Hashiveynu Hashem elecha --  just like the girls in vineyard tell the young men to take them on as brides and give them what will adorn them and bring out beauty.









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