This is my blog for topics of general, Jewish interest, named for the magazine I launched in 2005. I have additional blogs for other areas. Follow on Twitter or on Google+ under Ariella Brown. Please note that comment moderation is on, which could keep your comment from appearing right away.
Monday, April 08, 2013
Matchmakers don't have to be yentas
From my email: "We're seeking outgoing Jewish religious
matchmakers. If you are outgoing,
personable and have a good network of Orthodox singles, please email us for
Here's my objection to the description: Why outgoing? The assumption here is that outgoing people will be better at making matches, but I beg to differ. Outgoing people tend to talk more, but the flip side is that they will often listen less. To be more effective at making matches, one should be willing to remain quiet so as to get a good sense about what really makes the single tick. Outgoing types are less likely to tolerate silence and so either will fill it in with their own talk or quickly dismiss the quieter type as dull, slow, or uninteresting because s/he was never given enough of an opportunity to open up about him/herself.
I happen to be on the quieter side myself, but people find me incredibly easy to talk to. I've learned a lot more than I care to sometimes from the fact that people go on and on in my company or on the phone. That doesn't mean I never say a word but that I am willing to let the other person take the lead in the conversation. Consequently, I learn quite a bit about the other person without having to ask direct, probing questions.
So if I were to ask for what a shadchan should be it would not be "outgoing" but a good listener. And don't be so quick to write off the quiet ones.