Forever Younger
I was thinking of entitling this "The Secret of Eternal Youth." It is actually is about keeping a secret, but I refrained from doing so because the overuse of "secret" in titles is one of the things I object to. Another titled I considered was "Living a Lie." Can you guess where this is going yet? First, a disclaimer: This was told to me by my eight grade daughter, who was relaying what her teacher said, who was relaying an anecdote she heard of. As in the game of Telephone, it is quite likely that some of the details and even facts got distorted along the way. I certainly hope so.
This is what my daughter recounted last night. Supposedly, someone asked a rabbi if they can lie about their age for the sake of a shidduch. His reply was that they can do so, so long as they will adhere to that age forever after. In other words, say, a girl of 27 passes herself of as 22, she would have to forever after act as if she was, indeed, 22 that year. I suppose the rationale behind this is that 1)sticking to something makes it true to you even if it began as a lie (though I don't really see the virtue in that) 2) that what your husband doesn't know won't hurt you, and so long as you are consistent, he won't ever realize he was hoodwinked to begin with.
Aside from the moral problem of basing a relationship (and one that should allow for mutual confidence) on a lie, this simply doesn't work legally. While you can legally change your name, you cannot change your age. There were Jews born in pre-War Europe who did not have documentation of their birth. One of my son's rebbeim was not sure exactly when his birthday was. But for those born in the USA in more recent times, that is not the case.
Your date of birth is linked forever with your identity in your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, etc. Your age can be seen on some online white pages, though those are sometimes inaccurate. If you are to legally marry, you need a marriage license. See http://www.examiner.com/jewish-bridal-in-new-york/license-to-wed-part-1-of-2 And you cannot get one without brining documentation to prove you are who you are. How can someone keep up the pretense of being years younger than her birth certificate says she is when she has to bring it in to get married? Is her initial lie supposed lead her to forging the documents to keep up the pretense? Really, there is no way to make this plan work legally or morally.
Visit my site www.kallahmagazine.com -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner
This is what my daughter recounted last night. Supposedly, someone asked a rabbi if they can lie about their age for the sake of a shidduch. His reply was that they can do so, so long as they will adhere to that age forever after. In other words, say, a girl of 27 passes herself of as 22, she would have to forever after act as if she was, indeed, 22 that year. I suppose the rationale behind this is that 1)sticking to something makes it true to you even if it began as a lie (though I don't really see the virtue in that) 2) that what your husband doesn't know won't hurt you, and so long as you are consistent, he won't ever realize he was hoodwinked to begin with.
Aside from the moral problem of basing a relationship (and one that should allow for mutual confidence) on a lie, this simply doesn't work legally. While you can legally change your name, you cannot change your age. There were Jews born in pre-War Europe who did not have documentation of their birth. One of my son's rebbeim was not sure exactly when his birthday was. But for those born in the USA in more recent times, that is not the case.
Your date of birth is linked forever with your identity in your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, etc. Your age can be seen on some online white pages, though those are sometimes inaccurate. If you are to legally marry, you need a marriage license. See http://www.examiner.com/jewish-bridal-in-new-york/license-to-wed-part-1-of-2 And you cannot get one without brining documentation to prove you are who you are. How can someone keep up the pretense of being years younger than her birth certificate says she is when she has to bring it in to get married? Is her initial lie supposed lead her to forging the documents to keep up the pretense? Really, there is no way to make this plan work legally or morally.
Visit my site www.kallahmagazine.com -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner
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