Forever Younger

I was thinking of entitling this "The Secret of Eternal Youth."  It is actually is about keeping a secret, but I refrained from doing so because the overuse of "secret" in titles is one of the things I object to.  Another titled I considered was "Living a Lie."  Can you guess where this is going yet?  First, a disclaimer:  This was told to me by my eight grade daughter, who was relaying what her teacher said, who was relaying an anecdote she heard of.  As in the game of Telephone, it is quite likely that some of the details and even facts got distorted along the way.  I certainly hope so.

This is what my daughter recounted last night.  Supposedly, someone asked a rabbi if they can lie about their age for the sake of a shidduch. His reply was that they can do so, so long as they will adhere to that age forever after.  In other words, say, a girl of 27 passes herself of as 22, she would have to forever after act as if she was, indeed, 22 that year.  I suppose the rationale behind this is that 1)sticking to something makes it true to you even if it began as a lie (though I don't really see the virtue in that)  2) that what your husband doesn't know won't hurt you, and so long as you are consistent, he won't ever realize he was hoodwinked to begin with.

Aside from the moral problem of basing a relationship (and one that should allow for mutual confidence) on a lie, this simply doesn't work legally.  While you can legally change your name, you cannot change your age.   There were Jews born in pre-War Europe who did not have documentation of their birth.  One of my son's rebbeim was not sure exactly when his birthday was.  But for those born in the USA in more recent times, that is not the case.

Your date of birth is linked forever with your identity in your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, etc. Your age can be seen on some online white pages, though those are sometimes inaccurate. If you are to legally marry, you need a marriage license. See http://www.examiner.com/jewish-bridal-in-new-york/license-to-wed-part-1-of-2 And you cannot get one without brining documentation to prove you are who you are.  How can someone keep up the pretense of being years younger than her birth certificate says she is when she has to bring it in to get married?  Is her initial lie supposed lead her to forging the documents to keep up the pretense?  Really, there is no way to make this plan work legally or morally.




Visit my site www.kallahmagazine.com -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner

Comments

Orthonomics said…
It doesn't work legally and could probably backfire medically also. Did a friend share this with your daughter, or a teacher?
Ariella's blog said…
It was a teacher in class. I think this is in the hilchos lashon hara class.
Orthonomics said…
I personally have been party to conversations re: shidduchim that I believe are beyond the comprehension of the age group(s) being addressed. 8th grade seems a bit young to be telling girls it might be potentially a-okay to misrepresent. I think at this age knowing the foundations of a healthy relationship is the most important thing. Perhaps I underestimate the information a middle schooler can handle?
Ariella's blog said…
I agree with you. Some of the girls have married sibling, and some get excited about the engagement of the single teachers, but this topic is not something that pertains directly to them right now. In any case, I would hope that no one takes this as carte blanche that the end of a shidduch justify the means of deliberate misrepresentation. I made my position on this clear to my daughter when she told me about it.
Orthonomics said…
Clarification are what parents are for.

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