I'm expanding people's vocabulary

with my post on imamother. If you're a member, you can see it, reply, and vote in the poll.
It's called Making a wedding with fungible funds
You can also comment here, particularly if you are not a member there. This is what it says:

Has anyone either been offered or offered their children a set amount to use for all wedding needs with the option to keep anything that is left for other uses? For example, you have $30,000 set aside. You let your child know she can spend it all on the catering, makeup, and gown however she sees fit. But you won't be able to give her any more money. Should she manage to get what she want for $27,000, she could keep the $3000 to spend on whatever she wants. did this ever happen in real life?

I also put up a poll that I will try to add here. Oh, the title of this post is due to a number of people admitting that they had to look up the word "fungible." I did try to make it clear from the context with an illustrative example, though.


Visit my site www.kallahmagazine.com -- not just for kallahs. You can also see posts at http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner

Comments

Ariella said…
So far the poll results on Imamother are evenly split between the first two. Interesting, given that they are opposing views. The second comment to come in is also very interesting:
(actually had to look up fungible - I've never heard of that word!)

My parents did this with my sister. They were in one country, and she was living/getting married in another. They gave her $X towards the wedding. She planned thriftily and ended up with some savings.

While this is smart in theory - it teaches the kallah to think ahead (ie, what really matters) - I don't believe that a chosson / kallah should have this responsibility. A chosson/kallah should be busy with the spiritual preparations for the wedding (especially all the new halachos), not coordinating caterers and flowers. Sometimes, you have no choice (ie, the parents aren't there to do the coordinating & planning), but this should not be l'chatchilah.
Ariella said…
There were several other comments, though many go off on tangents. Those who live in Israel assume that each side splits the cost down the middle. It often does not work that way in the US. Some are saving for their children's wedding. Some say they can't afford to. Some applied the fungible idea to seminary or the wedding -- rather a Catch -22 for those whose main objective in sending to seminary is to groom the girl for shidduchim. There was another long comment that I will post in the next comment box. Note that this parent not only pays for the wedding on top of the money put aside but even gives money for grandchildren's tuition.
Ariella said…
the comment was too long to fit, so I put it in its own post.
Orthonomics said…
I am going to check out the comments on your post. In the general population, a cash gift to make a wedding is becoming increasingly popular.

Regarding the comment you posted re: wedding prep vs. spiritual preparation. I don't view the two preparations as being part of separate realms. How a couple chooses to spend their money and negotiate some real life issues is oftentimes a very good way to prepare for marriage where such issues are negotiated on a regular basis. (Even if you are spending some of your own money, you still need to try and please a group of people).

Somehow we managed to work 40+ hours a week, plan the actual wedding, attend shiurim in addition to chatan/kallah classes, and be involved with other activities. I don't see how making some calls to halls and caterers, ordering invitations and benchers, excludes learning the laws of taharat hamishpacha and other relevent works regarding marriage, to say nothing of other important subjects you might want to brush up on to run your own household (Shabbat and Yom Tov halacha as an example).

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