Shidduch resumes: additional comments from imamother

omg what is the world coming to ... and we wonder why it's so hard to make shidduchim ...
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To bad that there was no option of disgusting. Anyone ever looking for a job knows that resumes can also be padded. Most of the shadchanim I know would never introduce anyone without a reasonable belief that this most definitely can work.

I never call only the listed people. I B"H have friends in a lot of communities.
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Enlighten me - who receives the resume? And how is it different from jotting down the same info you are hearing in a phone conversation checking out the boy/girl?

For example, I can say, "Take down these reference numbers - this is her 12th grade teacher - 7-7-7-7-7-7-7..." or I can say, "Give me your email address or fax number and I'll send you all her references."
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have three kids in shidduchim, (2 boys and a girl) and find it much easier to e-mail or fax a reeume than to constantly repeat info.
Sure, references lie, that is why I never call them, rather I use the resume info as a springboard to get info. If I see boy / girl went to camp XYZ or davens in Shul ABC, I call someone I know from that camp or shul.

I have also married off two girls and a boy and have never given or asked for a picture, but I can tell you that having a picture may be helpful. There were times my child went out with someone that was very nice but they were repulsed by their date's looks. A picture would have prevented a waste of time for both of them. I am not condoning the insistence of pictures, I am saying that looks do count and though beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, looking at a prospective dates picture might help.

BTW, if you are internet savvy you can find a picture of most people on the internet.
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Smiling Mom
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hidduch resumes are very useful. At the very least they have reference names and numbers that are much more often accurate and legible than the scrawled-on-the-back-of-an-envelope non-resumes. If the resume comes with a description it also tells me whether the girl (or her parents!) can write a coherent paragraph and often what the girl's strong points are. Sometimes a dealbreaker is immediately apparent, such as the girl wanting a shortterm learner or a quiet boy. Also, if the info on the resume doesn't sound like a match, I can often confirm that with just a few calls.

Most the girls' resumes we have received have a few descriptive paragraphs, but very few contain a photo. Our son's resume contains general information but no personality description. It has info on parents, siblings, a chronology of his schools/yeshivas, lots of references -- and his height, to appease those who consider height to be essential info!

I'm not as well-connected as Smilingmom so I do call the references, and I often ask references for additional names to call.
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I am a reference for a former student of mine and she emailed me a shidduch resume. I know her personality and what she is looking for "off paper" and I know most her family but I can't always keep track of each of the siblings or remember offhand what the father does so it's helpful for me to have it on paper. For this purpose, I think it's great.

Comments

Ariella's blog said…
I am surprised at Smilingmom's assertion that one can always find a person's picture on the internet. My picture was only posted on the internet a couple of months ago because it is required for Examiner writers. Prior to that, I don't think there would have been a photo of me online. Why should singles have photos online unless they post them for particular reasons?
Orthonomics said…
The most detailed resume I've ever seen was essentially a family tree. But it said nothing of substance about the "girl."
Ariella's blog said…
They must have been banking on yichus as the girl's main selling point. The appeal would for someone seeking to marry into a particular type of family rather than any individual quality. But from what I've seen, a shidduch resume will not really convey much about the girl in question even if it does list her schools, jobs, etc.
Ariella's blog said…
There was some follow up on the Imamother forum with the same question I had: how can one be certain of finding someone's picture online?
One responded she can find pictures on Onlysimchas.
Then someone wrote: "you can search for the Kallah, but how can you search for her friends? Even if the Kallah's friends are in a photo, they're rarely specified with name. And with family Simcha photos, girls aren't labeled with their name either. Most often the yeshivish/mod. yeshivish crowd dont post any pics."
Another one indicated there are other online sources for the "yeshivish" types:"They are often identified in school & shul newsletters, mostly for out of town places, but also on Touro's alumni mailings."
Ariella's blog said…
a man wrote in on my post on Frum network: As an amateur shaddchan (1 shidduch) I find the resumes very useful in keeping track of the interests of singles I may not know very well. I certainly can do a better job of presenting a shidduch idea if I have something written in front of me. For some singles the resume is a way of focusing and for others they use it as a way for screening. I view a resume distributed to shaddchanim and maybe prospective dates as a positive thing."
Ariella's blog said…
another man on Frumnetwork's view: "I believe that the resumes are absurd. People should meet each other face to face and get to know each other over time. This system with its myriad and arcane rules is in need of massive overhaul."
Ariella's blog said…
another comment from Frumnetwork. This one from a woman: How are they any different that a resume you sent to a recruiter? Basically they provide some superficial info as a teaser, and if interest is sparked then next steps follow...i.e. phone interview...references checked...1st date scheduled. Pretty cut and dry...serve same purpose as profile thats posted to SYAS or Frumster, just easier for some Shadchanim to have the resume handy if they are less tech savvy.

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