Shidduch resumes: additional comments from imamother
omg what is the world coming to ... and we wonder why it's so hard to make shidduchim ...
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To bad that there was no option of disgusting. Anyone ever looking for a job knows that resumes can also be padded. Most of the shadchanim I know would never introduce anyone without a reasonable belief that this most definitely can work.
I never call only the listed people. I B"H have friends in a lot of communities.
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Enlighten me - who receives the resume? And how is it different from jotting down the same info you are hearing in a phone conversation checking out the boy/girl?
For example, I can say, "Take down these reference numbers - this is her 12th grade teacher - 7-7-7-7-7-7-7..." or I can say, "Give me your email address or fax number and I'll send you all her references."
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have three kids in shidduchim, (2 boys and a girl) and find it much easier to e-mail or fax a reeume than to constantly repeat info.
Sure, references lie, that is why I never call them, rather I use the resume info as a springboard to get info. If I see boy / girl went to camp XYZ or davens in Shul ABC, I call someone I know from that camp or shul.
I have also married off two girls and a boy and have never given or asked for a picture, but I can tell you that having a picture may be helpful. There were times my child went out with someone that was very nice but they were repulsed by their date's looks. A picture would have prevented a waste of time for both of them. I am not condoning the insistence of pictures, I am saying that looks do count and though beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, looking at a prospective dates picture might help.
BTW, if you are internet savvy you can find a picture of most people on the internet.
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Smiling Mom
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hidduch resumes are very useful. At the very least they have reference names and numbers that are much more often accurate and legible than the scrawled-on-the-back-of-an-envelope non-resumes. If the resume comes with a description it also tells me whether the girl (or her parents!) can write a coherent paragraph and often what the girl's strong points are. Sometimes a dealbreaker is immediately apparent, such as the girl wanting a shortterm learner or a quiet boy. Also, if the info on the resume doesn't sound like a match, I can often confirm that with just a few calls.
Most the girls' resumes we have received have a few descriptive paragraphs, but very few contain a photo. Our son's resume contains general information but no personality description. It has info on parents, siblings, a chronology of his schools/yeshivas, lots of references -- and his height, to appease those who consider height to be essential info!
I'm not as well-connected as Smilingmom so I do call the references, and I often ask references for additional names to call.
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I am a reference for a former student of mine and she emailed me a shidduch resume. I know her personality and what she is looking for "off paper" and I know most her family but I can't always keep track of each of the siblings or remember offhand what the father does so it's helpful for me to have it on paper. For this purpose, I think it's great.
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To bad that there was no option of disgusting. Anyone ever looking for a job knows that resumes can also be padded. Most of the shadchanim I know would never introduce anyone without a reasonable belief that this most definitely can work.
I never call only the listed people. I B"H have friends in a lot of communities.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Enlighten me - who receives the resume? And how is it different from jotting down the same info you are hearing in a phone conversation checking out the boy/girl?
For example, I can say, "Take down these reference numbers - this is her 12th grade teacher - 7-7-7-7-7-7-7..." or I can say, "Give me your email address or fax number and I'll send you all her references."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
have three kids in shidduchim, (2 boys and a girl) and find it much easier to e-mail or fax a reeume than to constantly repeat info.
Sure, references lie, that is why I never call them, rather I use the resume info as a springboard to get info. If I see boy / girl went to camp XYZ or davens in Shul ABC, I call someone I know from that camp or shul.
I have also married off two girls and a boy and have never given or asked for a picture, but I can tell you that having a picture may be helpful. There were times my child went out with someone that was very nice but they were repulsed by their date's looks. A picture would have prevented a waste of time for both of them. I am not condoning the insistence of pictures, I am saying that looks do count and though beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, looking at a prospective dates picture might help.
BTW, if you are internet savvy you can find a picture of most people on the internet.
_________________
Smiling Mom
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hidduch resumes are very useful. At the very least they have reference names and numbers that are much more often accurate and legible than the scrawled-on-the-back-of-an-envelope non-resumes. If the resume comes with a description it also tells me whether the girl (or her parents!) can write a coherent paragraph and often what the girl's strong points are. Sometimes a dealbreaker is immediately apparent, such as the girl wanting a shortterm learner or a quiet boy. Also, if the info on the resume doesn't sound like a match, I can often confirm that with just a few calls.
Most the girls' resumes we have received have a few descriptive paragraphs, but very few contain a photo. Our son's resume contains general information but no personality description. It has info on parents, siblings, a chronology of his schools/yeshivas, lots of references -- and his height, to appease those who consider height to be essential info!
I'm not as well-connected as Smilingmom so I do call the references, and I often ask references for additional names to call.
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I am a reference for a former student of mine and she emailed me a shidduch resume. I know her personality and what she is looking for "off paper" and I know most her family but I can't always keep track of each of the siblings or remember offhand what the father does so it's helpful for me to have it on paper. For this purpose, I think it's great.
Comments
One responded she can find pictures on Onlysimchas.
Then someone wrote: "you can search for the Kallah, but how can you search for her friends? Even if the Kallah's friends are in a photo, they're rarely specified with name. And with family Simcha photos, girls aren't labeled with their name either. Most often the yeshivish/mod. yeshivish crowd dont post any pics."
Another one indicated there are other online sources for the "yeshivish" types:"They are often identified in school & shul newsletters, mostly for out of town places, but also on Touro's alumni mailings."