Nice and Not Quiet
While Pirke Avos teaches that shtika [silence] is the ultiamte good for a body, that is not the perception of the shidduch world. See http://serandez.blogspot.com/2009/07/on-quieter-side.html
People who are may apt to talk may be described as "outgoing" and "friendly," and or "loud" and "talkative." The latter carries negative connotations. In truth, quiet people can be excellent conversationalists, especially because they tend to avoid small talk and get into a real discussion. They also are able to listen before talking, which is something incessant talkers seem unable to do.
But studies indicate that women, generally, are perceived as talking more even if they talk only the same amount of men. I believe that women are expected to do more of the listening and less of the talking on the date, which is why the quietness quotient may be unevenly distributed.
But, no question about it, there is a serious bias against shy, introverted people in the world. The word "reserved" that is often applied to them is considered very negative with respect to relationships. It also is a huge liability in many work and school situations.
People who are may apt to talk may be described as "outgoing" and "friendly," and or "loud" and "talkative." The latter carries negative connotations. In truth, quiet people can be excellent conversationalists, especially because they tend to avoid small talk and get into a real discussion. They also are able to listen before talking, which is something incessant talkers seem unable to do.
But studies indicate that women, generally, are perceived as talking more even if they talk only the same amount of men. I believe that women are expected to do more of the listening and less of the talking on the date, which is why the quietness quotient may be unevenly distributed.
But, no question about it, there is a serious bias against shy, introverted people in the world. The word "reserved" that is often applied to them is considered very negative with respect to relationships. It also is a huge liability in many work and school situations.
Comments