The Cinderella Myth and the Sense of Entitlement

Fairy tales seem to be harmless enough. But some of them present a rather warped picture of the world. I don't refer to the introduction of magical elements but to the concept of how one goes about getting what one wants. Two stories that particularly bother me are Puss in Boots and Rumpelstilsken. The protagonists both "win," but only through completely misrepresenting who and what they are and taking credit for the achievements or possessions of another. So the moral of the story is, boys and girls, the ends justify the means. Don't worry about the Faustian bargains you make along the way; you can cheat your way out of those. You'll get to marry a princess because she believes the lies spun by a cat. Or you'll get to marry a prince because he believes you have spun rooms full of straw into gold. Those two stories are among the most insidious I have encountered. But there is even some danger to the most popular of the fairy tales, the Cinderella story.

I was thinking of using the phrase, "The Grim (not Grimm) Reality" for the title, though the Cinderella story may not have originated with the brothers Grimm. And of course, some of our perception of the fairy tales are actually seen through the lens of Disney with the mantra of "Dreams come true" as the optimistic theme. Think about that phrase. It is an absolute. Now, as far as aspirations there is a positive element to clinging to one's dream for one's own accomplishment. That is a matter of determination and persistence, to do what it takes to qualify as a doctor or a teacher or an architect, if that is what one dreams. That is an entirely different matter from wishing for a dream house, car, or wedding. Yet, in our culture, even such materialistic dreams are viewed as valid. And people are brought up on having all their wishes granted. They want to believe that they will get the chance to wear the gorgeous gown and be the belle of the ball if only on their own wedding day. And so what if they don't have the money for the coach and horses, glass slippers, and the rest? That is what fairy godmothers are for.

Wait, did I just indicate that there are people regarded as adult enough to be getting married who believe in fairies? Well, they do in a way. They don't think that not having the financial means to make their dreams come true should get in the way of their big plans. Someone else is to be found to foot the bill. And the parents of these starry-eyed peole choose not to teach them the hard facts of life but to bolster the illusion. The Disney dream feeds the sense of entitlement that makes people brazen enough to demand others take on the role of fairy godmother by granting them the wedding affair, home, and even gifts they could not afford on their own.

Hey, when it's all magic it doesn't cost anyone anything. But we're in reality, remember? The tzedaka funds that went toward your purchase of gold cufflinks or a stunning fresh flower bouquet could not find their way to other causes, like helping people who can't afford food, medical care, or basic clothing. So while it seems like a very nice thing to make someone else's dream come true, you have to realize that these glass slippers have to paid for with money that could have gone to other uses. If there are unlimited funds, then you really can give to all. But when choices have to be made about how to allocate limited resources, it may be time to evaluate the causes in light of the pressing needs of people at large.See Sephardi Lady's latest post on the subject at http://orthonomics.blogspot.com/2009/02/pretending-it-away-while-some-deal-with.html#links