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how do you get on your MIL's good side?

While some moms will simply never accept that any other female could ever care for their sons as well as they could, some may be reconciled to their loss of a son and gain of a daughter-in-law over time. And the relationship, of course, also comes up with sons-in-law.
This weekend, some women who have had experience as daughters-in-law and are now mothers-in-law mentioned a couple of pointers. One suggestion was for a daughter-in-law to call once a week. And sons-in-law could butter up their wives' moms by buying 2 Shabbos bouquets -- one for wife and one for her mother. That's what one woman's son-in-law does for her.

So any other suggestions?
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Ezzie said…
As suggestions, they are interesting. I always worry that such suggestions quickly turn into "rules", however.
January 12, 2009 at 4:37:00 PM EST
Ariella's blog said…
I see what your saying, Ezzie. Once a week does seem to be what is fairly standard for phone contact between parents and their married children -- as confirmed by the senior citizens in the AARP driving class to reduce insurance premiums. As most social obligations tend [not the qualifiers!] on the women of the house, the DIL really takes on what would be expected of the son, though, as a woman of the house myself, I certainly see that the expectation of such as a rule is not fair. support of her married children. I just point out the once a week norm because I know parents who expect DAILY calls, (not mine B"H)so knowing what the general practice can give one a sense of perspective.

BTW, that's a really adorable picture you now have. Is the hair red?
January 12, 2009 at 4:50:00 PM EST
Orthonomics said…
Not sure how to get on the good side since I haven't succeeded yet. One thing to keep things peaceful is to learn where the differences are and avoid potentially explosive situations.

Something that any host can do is be explicit about what you want done. One Pesach I got in a bit of hot water for not helping enough. I tried to steer clear so little people wouldn't get under big people's feet. I helped my father-in-law with a few things. But help is most appreciated when it is help you want most.

It is really hard to help when you don't know where to start (where is the parve cutting board?). Of course this post is not about a mil making things easier, but I hope to remember that when I have a dil that I orient her to the kitchen before expecting her to magically cook something.
January 20, 2009 at 2:52:00 PM EST
Ariella's blog said…
Good point, SL. Apparently, some expect advanced mindreading skills.I never encountered that with my in-laws but with other relatives when I was a guest in their home. Because I find it intrusive to have others fiddle about in my things, I don't do so for others. But this relative considered me thoughtless because I reported on something (I don't remember exactly what, but I think it was minor like a curtain falling in another person's room) but did not fix it myself. Mind you, I know I didn't cause it and would have done what she wanted if she had only told me so.
January 20, 2009 at 3:11:00 PM EST
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