Background check on a prosective date
As promised in my previous post, here are the "important questions" the "shadchan" advises on to ask. At first I was going to say that the infamous tablecloth question was not on the list. However, when I came back to it, I saw that, though it was not granted a place among the checked the question, it is mentioned in the introductory paragraph. So I will quote the whole answer to "What are important questions to ask when doing a background check on a prospective date?" below [I'm trying to refrain from comment here to allow commentators to offer their own views without my own biases; there are two exceptions -- one a matter of *coherence and the other of **assumption.]:
Your questions will reflect your values and what's most important to you and your family. If you honestly believe that the color tablecloth used on Shabbos will have serious impact on your marriage relationship, then that will be on your list. [*A transition at this point would better clarify that really the writer is not validating that point of view.] If you are looking for a genuine relationship that will lead to a solid marriage where both husband and wife grow together in Yiras Shamayim and Simchas HaChayim, then please ocnsider the following questions:
What are the Middos of this person and are there very good Middos throughout the family?
Is this person and his/her family involved in Chessed in the community? (They don't have to be the leaders.) [**How very generous! What if they don't publicize the fact that they pack or deliver packages for Tomchei Shabbos and the like and the person asked doesn't participate him/herself and so would not have seen them? They can only gain credit of reputation if what they do is publicly recognized.]
Does this person have a good relationship with his/her family?
Does this person have strong, ongoing friendships?
What is this person like when you disagree with him/her?
What kind of lifestyle does this person want to have?
What would you cite as this person's outstanding quality?
What would you cite as the thing this person needs to work on the most?
What is this person looking for?
Please describe his/her personality --e.g., shy vs. outgoing
Your questions will reflect your values and what's most important to you and your family. If you honestly believe that the color tablecloth used on Shabbos will have serious impact on your marriage relationship, then that will be on your list. [*A transition at this point would better clarify that really the writer is not validating that point of view.] If you are looking for a genuine relationship that will lead to a solid marriage where both husband and wife grow together in Yiras Shamayim and Simchas HaChayim, then please ocnsider the following questions:
What are the Middos of this person and are there very good Middos throughout the family?
Is this person and his/her family involved in Chessed in the community? (They don't have to be the leaders.) [**How very generous! What if they don't publicize the fact that they pack or deliver packages for Tomchei Shabbos and the like and the person asked doesn't participate him/herself and so would not have seen them? They can only gain credit of reputation if what they do is publicly recognized.]
Does this person have a good relationship with his/her family?
Does this person have strong, ongoing friendships?
What is this person like when you disagree with him/her?
What kind of lifestyle does this person want to have?
What would you cite as this person's outstanding quality?
What would you cite as the thing this person needs to work on the most?
What is this person looking for?
Please describe his/her personality --e.g., shy vs. outgoing
Comments