The Marriage of Avraham and Sarah
From the glimpses we have of the relationships of the Avos and Immahos related in the Torah, it is clear that one size does not fit all as the model of marriage.
Sarah is very direct with Avraham. She tells him what she wants him to do, complains about situations she does not like, and takes action openly. She does not resort to going behind her husband's back to convince him to do what she wants by having someone else tell him to do so, as some people today suggest in their marriage advice. Would anyone say that there was a lack of Shalom Bayis between Avraham and Sarah because she was not passive and indirect? That would be a most ludicrous assertion.
First, Sarah tell her husband to take Hagar as a wife. Then when Hagar treats her with less regard, Sarah complains to Avraham who assures her that she is still mistress over the maid. It is notable that Avraham does not exclaim at Sarah complaining about a situation that she brought about herself by coming up with the plan for him to marry Hagar so that she can have his child. He does not respond with a "What do you want from me? This is what you said you wanted!" Rather, he says to do what she sees fit.
After Yitzchak is born, and Sarah perceives Yishmael as a threat to her son, she tells Avraham to send him and his mother away. While Avraham may ahve felt reluctant to do so, Hashem assures him that he should listen to his wife. Interesting, that Sarah, like Rivka, prove more perceptive about the danger one brother poses to the other than their fathers are. But while Rivka feels she has to resort to some subtefuge in order to protect her son, Sarah is confident enough to tell her husband directly.
I would think that Sarah saw herself as more her husband's equal. There are a number of possible reasons for this. They were of the same family and may have grown up together. Also they only had 10 years between them, which was a very minor age difference -- as opposed to the 37 year age difference posited for Yitzchak and his wife. Lastly, Sarah's personality comes across as more assertive than Rivka's. Women who exhibit such different personalities and backgrounds would not fit the same mold for a marriage relationship.
Sarah is very direct with Avraham. She tells him what she wants him to do, complains about situations she does not like, and takes action openly. She does not resort to going behind her husband's back to convince him to do what she wants by having someone else tell him to do so, as some people today suggest in their marriage advice. Would anyone say that there was a lack of Shalom Bayis between Avraham and Sarah because she was not passive and indirect? That would be a most ludicrous assertion.
First, Sarah tell her husband to take Hagar as a wife. Then when Hagar treats her with less regard, Sarah complains to Avraham who assures her that she is still mistress over the maid. It is notable that Avraham does not exclaim at Sarah complaining about a situation that she brought about herself by coming up with the plan for him to marry Hagar so that she can have his child. He does not respond with a "What do you want from me? This is what you said you wanted!" Rather, he says to do what she sees fit.
After Yitzchak is born, and Sarah perceives Yishmael as a threat to her son, she tells Avraham to send him and his mother away. While Avraham may ahve felt reluctant to do so, Hashem assures him that he should listen to his wife. Interesting, that Sarah, like Rivka, prove more perceptive about the danger one brother poses to the other than their fathers are. But while Rivka feels she has to resort to some subtefuge in order to protect her son, Sarah is confident enough to tell her husband directly.
I would think that Sarah saw herself as more her husband's equal. There are a number of possible reasons for this. They were of the same family and may have grown up together. Also they only had 10 years between them, which was a very minor age difference -- as opposed to the 37 year age difference posited for Yitzchak and his wife. Lastly, Sarah's personality comes across as more assertive than Rivka's. Women who exhibit such different personalities and backgrounds would not fit the same mold for a marriage relationship.
Comments
It is significant that Yitzchak found Rivka to be a suitable replacement for his mother. Sarah provided Avraham with gevurah to temper his chesed, while Rivka provided Yitzchak with the chesed that invigorated his gevurah.
Rivka is very active, as you point out. What she does for Elizer epoitomizes her attribute of chessed. But much of her other recorded activity seems to circumvent her husband. Instead of asking Yitzchak to be doresh Hashem for her, she goes elsewhere. She directs Yaakov in an elaborate plan rather than speak directly to Yitzchak about what to do for his sons, the way Sarah speaks to Avraham about Yishmael.